Alabama Lemonade

Aren’t you like, the something of Ontario?!? Why were you even in Alabama!!!!?? [AUDIO VERSION]


I shudder to think of our prospects if we lose; they will surely take away all the good jobs and our God-given right to rule over this Christian Nation. [AUDIO VERSION]

Brown Tesla

The guy down the street has a brown Tesla S and he thinks he’s so cool [AUDIO VERSION]

Lying 101

I’m so excited at the possibility of you joining our faculty and since you don’t seem to work in the summer this could be a perfect fit. [AUDIO VERSION]

In The Lap Of The Gods

I think the Queen song “In the Lap of the Gods” has some very powerful philosophical truth that could really help you…[AUDIO VERSION]

Your Biggest Fan!

My husband and I own a small taxidermy shop in Huntsville and I am your BIGGEST supporter. [AUDIO VERSION]

‘B’ is for ‘Barky’

After my BA, MA and PHD, I’ll owe you and the FEDS about $75k. That’s a lot for a first-year history teacher to pay off. That’s what I plan to do, teach history at high school. Not my dream job, but I’ve done the research and Freelance Historian is not viable, income-wise [AUDIO VERSION]

From: Werner Herzog

Frankly, Douglas, I understand completely your efforts to torture and inflame the human population of Ontario. They are overdue for awakening from their rampant consumerism…[AUDIO VERSION]

The Plan

It has taken us a long time and a wide variety of currencies to get to where we are now. And the plan only works DOUG, if nobody notices it until it is far too late. [AUDIO VERSION]

Buck A Water

Buck a Beer? Let’s get the water to the people first, Doug! [AUDIO VERSION]


Dear Doug, You’ve been hurt in your life; that seems clear… [AUDIO VERSION]