Dear Doug,

I have been watching you with admiration as you do your job while using so little truth. It’s not as easy as people think. A person can tell the truth accidentally a lot, without even trying. It’s great to see a pro in action.

The real reason for my letter is that I’m starting a summer camp for aspiring young politicians called, Dalton Camp, and I have much of the curriculum covered but I need someone to handle lying.

The course would consist of

1. HOW TO USE THE WHITE LIE and how white people get to use it more (hence the name).
2. IS IT LYING IF… you say you believed it; lying in an election campaign- is it really okay; the truth, fact or fiction; and
3. BALD FACE LYING to the camera. It may not cover any of that but I believe in experiential learning.

While you are clearly adept at all facets of this political category and your experience is deep and wide, I was thinking you could handle bald faced lying with ease.

I’m so excited at the possibility of you joining our faculty and since you don’t seem to work in the summer this could be a perfect fit.

I find I have just one problem with this offer. If you accept, can I actually plan on you being there? I mean, you’re so good at lying that I won’t really know till you show up…and maybe not even then.

But I remain hopeful or skeptical…sorting out this lying thing can be hard at times. I now understand how so many people voted for you and what a true professional you are in the field of lying.

All the best,

W. S. McCulloch