Posted in Letter
September 2, 2019

From: Werner Herzog

Dear Douglas,

My name is Werner Herzog. 

I’m writing to you about The Water. 

Frankly, Douglas, I understand completely your efforts to torture and inflame the human population of Ontario. They are overdue for awakening from their rampant consumerism; clutching at every shiny sale-item. 

I also believe Douglas, that it was a masterstroke of yours to peel back the facade of the ‘Endangered Species List’. For what is the value of making such lists? To enumerate the scant months that separate the inevitable doom of one species versus another? But let us return to the water.

For in your vile and misguided efforts to please your Masters, you have included policies that will necessarily, on a molecular level, affect the water that is trapped in your post-colonial domain. And this contamination  is something from which the planet itself may not recover. 

For The Water will be the most important element we leave for whatever species emerges from our self-delivered Holocaust-Apocalypse. Isolate this policy, and recant- as if life itself depended on it. 

I have no particular interest in your agenda, which is ironically misnamed ‘conservatism’. But leave the water alone Douglas, for the moon is watching you, and your pasty children, and all you do. And the moon remembers.

With Resignation, 


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